An Awesome Calling
The Bible explicitly calls men to lead the family and the church. In the realm of the family, Husbands must first love their wives. “According to Paul,” says Eric Mason, “the primary leadership is displayed is through love. Then, out of love, the husband lovingly leads the wife through aiding her spiritual growth and care.”[1] Mason’s thoughts on this are unoriginal in that he is pointing to the apostle Paul’s words in Ephesians 5:25-33. In this passage, Paul commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. As Mason highlights and I agree that this is done through the sacrificial leadership of the husband. In said leadership, a husband must provide for his wife spiritually and physically.
It is in the context of a biblical marriage—where the wife submits to her husband, and the husband loves his wife—that children are to be reared. From both the New and Old Testaments God’s design is that men would lead not only their wives but also their children. In Deuteronomy 6:4-5 we are provided with both the shema and the great commandment—Yahweh is one, and his people are to love him. Then, in verse 6 Moses tells the people that the words God commanded them are to be on their hearts. It is not to be on their hearts only. In verse 7 the parents are commanded to pass them on to their children. Dr. James Hamilton observes that the Hebrew word translated as you is in the masculine singular form and the word translated children is translated is literally as sons. He then makes a critical comment regarding the word translated you, “the fact that the form is singular urges the conclusion that Moses did not give this responsibility to some abstract group of fathers in the community but to each father. It doesn’t take a village it takes a father.”[2] Thus, it is the role and responsibility of each father in every household to instruct his children in the commands of Yahweh. This idea remains true even after Christ inaugurated the New Covenant.
Fathers in Ephesians 6:4, among other places, are instructed to “bring [their children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” It should not go without notice that Paul’s command is directed to fathers. They are entrusted with the responsibility of the development of their children, regarding their moral and spiritual growth.[3] Mothers, of course, are not excluded from this duty, yet it is fathers that especially bear this burden.[4] Now it should be noted that it is by the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit producing saving faith that unites a man with Christ (Titus 3:3-7). It is our union and connection to Christ through the indwelling of the Holy Spirit that men can accomplish there duty to lead in the home. Apart from Christ men are hopeless in this endeavor with Christ a man cannot fail ultimately. Men are to be loving husbands and godly fathers, yet manly leadership is not only to take place in the home but also in the church.
A Pastoral Analogy
Elders, pastors, and overseers are all terms used interchangeably for one office in scripture (see Acts 20:17, 28 and 1 Peter 5:1-4). This office, which will from now on be referred to as overseer, is to be filled by qualified men (1 Timothy 3:1-7 and Titus 1:5-9). Dr. Eric Mason sees that these qualifications are concerned with character. He shows they cover three categories of character: “personal character, family character, and community character.”[5] Overseers are to be men of character, who are worthy of imitating and the qualifications they meet should be aspired to by all Christian men.[6] “As long as we don’t care whether a man has discipled his wife and children when we’re considering him for leadership in the church,” argues Dr. Voddie Baucham Jr., “we’ll never require other men to take seriously their roles as family shepherds.”[7] Godly husbands and fathers must lead a church to cultivate godly husbands and fathers in its membership. Overseers are tasked with shepherding the flock of believers entrusted to them by God. To shepherd is to exercise oversight, hence the title overseer (1 Peter 5:2).
Timothy Z. Witmer in his book the Shepherd Leader suggests four aspects of shepherding: knowing the sheep, leading the sheep, feeding the sheep, and protecting the sheep.[8] These elements should also characterize the shepherd at home. Dr. Mason provides a similar list: ministry of presence, spiritual formation, gospel promotion, and family vision.[9] Knowing and presence are related. A man cannot know what he is not near. Therefore, man must be present with His family and know the members of his family. Feeding and spiritual formation are also related. It is by feeding his family the word that a man’s family is spiritually formed. The gospel proclamation and protecting are similar yet not exact. It is by the proclamation of the gospel that the man gives his family a proper view of themselves and the world. Thus, protecting them from false beliefs. Leading and family vision are very similar; it is by casting a God-centered vision and making decisions based on that vision that the man leads his family well. As an Overseer oversees the flock, so shall the man of the house oversee his family. As a shepherd shepherds their flock, so shall the man of the house shepherd his family. Even at the expense of himself—his comforts wants, and needs, if it comes to it.
Suggestions for Fathers Considering Your Calling
- Pray
- Talk about it with your wife
- Repent of your shortcomings
- Set a time lead your family in reading the Bible
- Start with short and simple devotions
- Speak with your pastor or another spiritually mature man from your church
- Do it
Suggestions for Mothers Considering Your and Your Husbands Calling
- Pray
- Read the Bible and pray with your children
- Ask your husband to participate in simple and easy ways (Reading a chapter of the Bible, loud or just being present, and going to church on the Lord’s day)
- Speak with your pastor
Suggestions for Single Mothers Considering Your Calling
- Pray
- Read the Bible and pray with your children
- Be an active member of a local church
- Speak with your pastor
Questions Fathers Should Ask
- What is God’s design for children in Christian families?
- Are you discipling your family?
- Do you know, teach, protect, and lead your family?
[1] Eric Mason, Manhood Restored: How the Gospel Makes Men Whole (Nashville, TN: B & H Publishing Group, 2013), 131.
[2] Randy Stinson et al., Trained in fear of God: Family Ministry in Theological, Historical, and Practical Perspective (Grand Rapids, MI: Kregel Publications, 2011), 37.
[3] Ibid, 51.
[5]Mason, Manhood Restored, 138-139.
Voddie Baucham, Family Shepherds: Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011), 32.
[7] Ibid, 33.
[8] Timothy Z. Witmer, The Shepherd Leader: Achieving Effective Shepherding in Your Church (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing, 2010), 102.
[9] Mason, Manhood Restored, 140-141.